Sex Taught Me All the Things I Need to Know About Blogging

Image by Bossanostra via Flickr

This post is inspired by Michael Martine's humorous take on Twitter as a social media phenomenon . Says Michael:

"Twitter is like sex. You can read all the stuff (or look at it) about sex all you want, but if you’ve never had it, you simply have no idea what it’s like."

I quite agree with Michael's humorous analogy. And though I'd love to play the devil's advocate, I simply can't summon enough neurons to even come up with something close to his classic piece. So I did something else.

Good sex is like blogging

And it is this - when I think of sex I can readily associate it with blogging. Perhaps that says something about my stamina or writing mojo? That my dear readers is a question. This is not a wedding so I will not be asking for any arguments to the contrary. Hold your peace, I say.

But I digress. Let's hear it from another funny man. Billy Crystal says, "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

Well, let me tell you, blog readers are like women when it comes to reading blogs. They need to have good reasons to get intimate with you as a blog author.

How to make your readers stick with you

1. Clean up your act. Nothing turns off a reader than an author who neglects the basics of good hygiene. You have to smell good, look good, clean, and irresistible. It means choosing lean, sinewy and precise words. Nothing busts your chances with readers than neglecting your choice of words or phrases. You don't make your readers swoon over your post by throwing your undies with tell-tale signs of skid marks into your blog.

2. Build up anticipation. A good headline entices and makes a promise. It leads the reader to your lead paragraph. Does she have a clear idea what you aim to do? Of course, she does - but will she like your style? Will she purr in pleasure as you lead her on sentence after sentence, paragraph by paragraph into a satisfying climax? Be cool. And stop being a Neanderthal, hitting your readers in the head with your purple prose in a vain ruse to lure them into your dark cave. They will leave you when they come to.

3. Be versatile. Do you serve the same dish every day? No wonder why your readers are looking for other blogs to entertain them. Mix it up a little . Be adventurous. The missionary post delivers all right, but can be dreadful if served to your readers every time. Think of long, intense explorations of your niche topic. Think of magnificent and over-arching pillars. Very meaty, right? Make them unforgettable and you will find your readers camping out in your blog for more. After that, seduce your readers with stories or teach them new tricks by featuring interviews on topics that resonate with their heart.

4. Be intimate. Readers love intimacy. They gobble up your words all right, but they need to touch and feel what makes you tick, what saddens you, what pushes your buttons. Perhaps you are the all-conquering muscle man , but sometimes to identify with you, readers need to know what's your kryptonite. Don't be afraid to let them see you're flawed like them once in a while.

5. Be generous. It's not all about you, baby. Your readers have problems, pressed for time, harassed at work, beset by issues. You're not making it easier for them by dumping on them your tired pick up lines. Give them a back rub, knead their aching shoulders, listen to their problems and offer your best solutions. You're not a show horse - try to be useful.

6. Be honest. Nothing turns off readers more than dishonesty and hypocrisy. I don't know the exact science behind this, but readers have a keen radar for BS. Is it intuition? Is it a life visited too often by betrayal? I can't put a finger to it. But I'm sure your elegant words and your outstanding theme design will not make your readers open the door for you the second time around.

7. Be knowledgeable. As a blog reader, drivel turns me off and make me cover my family jewels for some imagined assault. I admit I get turned on by a marvelous turn of phrase. I don't know if they've already invented a name for this disease if it is a disease. But it's true, you can lead me on by the nose for some tryst if your words, sentences, and paragraphs all conspire to make me lose my inhibitions. Appeal to my hunger for knowledge and my morals go out through the window.

8. Be accessible. Readers might stay if they know who you are. Leave them your card. Write something on your about page. You're in it for the long haul, right? One mindless episode with you can be satisfying, but if you want them to stay you've to do away with your avatar. Part of an engaging intercourse that can happen in a blog is to see the reassuring face of its author with whom we are getting intimate with.

9. Be funny. If you can't - be playful at least. Words turn me on as reader, but I have to say humor or playfulness works like an aphrodisiac. A humorous mind is sexy and is likely to set the mood for a productive one on one with the reader. I may not recall all the useful things you told me, but you bet I will remember that I have a good time with you.

10. Be humble. Readers know you're a learned man. But please don't swagger too much. You're likely to break some china. Or shatter your readers expectations. Rid yourself of the illusion that you have your readers wrapped in your little finger. They can leave you anytime. Why? For all your brilliance, in the grand scheme of things, you are not exactly God's gift to blogging.

Time to draw something from your bag of tricks, my friends. What's your neat little secret? What works for you as writer or as a blog reader?

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Tags: Twitter, blog tips, humor in writing

The Day My Dead Mother Wrote Me a Blistering Memo

And I received it today. All because I wrote a wimpish post yesterday. In her book, it was enough to indict me.

When I hit the publish button on my previous post, I have forgotten who I am. I am my mother's son. My mother was a loving person but she was also strong willed. In her youth, she used to travel to Manila to bring supplies to my eldest siblings who were in college. She had with her all sorts of fresh vegetables, a couple of live chickens, and sometimes a sack of rice. At the pier, she fought off stevedores with her signature stoic demeanor. She'd stomp her foot on top of her assorted baggage and ward off pesky pier hands with her emphatic no.

Of course, she couldn't carry them all by herself. But she could not be pushed. Let her decide on her own sweet time which lucky hands to help her with her things.

Sure, I inherited my father's thirst for learning and writing, but it was mother's discipline and stoutness of heart that will serve me well in blogging. My mother was one of the most loving persons I've ever known who at a moment's notice could go feral on you when her brood was threatened. My father was maybe one of those rare breed whose love never strays, but I suspect my mother's flash of steel had a lot to do with my father keeping to the straight and narrow path of marriage.

I used to pride myself I have my mother's stubborn streak. It has never occurred to me my mother's spunk was the more important trait. I am my mother's son. And I have forgotten it.

I have to start anew.

Do you have a similar experience? Who do you give the credit to when you talk of the steadying influence in your life?

25 Things I Wish You Did Not Know About Me

Image by Denis Collette...!!! via Flickr

Douglas Adams: "I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."

Me: I love them, too. I don't live my life, however, in complete terror of their approaching steps. Besides I have made a commitment to post every other day. I don't like to give readers an excuse to expel a sigh of relief on account of me being tongue-tied.

Not.

So here goes, my list of 25 things I owe Dee ,Chuvaness , Yatot , and Bingkee .

1. I was born in September.

2. In Oriental Mindoro during the decade when man first landed on the moon.

3. Don't snicker. Don't ask me my age. You'll not get far. Plurk did and I promptly deleted my account.

4. No writing genes in the family as far as I know. Maybe I can include my departed father who wrote like a man possessed during the last years of his life - because he needed to wage war against failing memory.

5. He called it his autobiography - accounts of his courtship of my mother, early family life, ghosts, "aswang", and his life as a guerrilla in World War 2.

6. He might have been a better blogger than I could have ever been. He had such an interesting life and had that gift with people. He was a natural

7. whereas I have to be shoved to get myself seen in social gatherings.

8. My father had a great influence in my reading habits. Our home then was like a periodical section of a good sized library.

9. I did not know I can write until my senior year in high school. I was made editor of the school paper because the brilliant students were into more high profile clubs like boy/girl scouting and speech and drama clubs. Only a handful of useless dorks were left. Writing is a great equalizer for lonely dorks, I soon found out.

10. Did not see a hint of panic or sense of hopelessness in my journalism adviser. She chose us without flinching - could have been her devoutness at work there.

11. So I wrote and thought myself a writer. It suited me just fine because I was an introvert.

12. Studied Communication Arts/Journalism in college because it had the least number of mathematics subjects.

13. Got involved again with the college paper. Worked my way up the rung - from junior writer in my freshman year to editor in my last year in college.

14. Met Ayn Rand. Graham Greene. Somerset Maugham. John le Carre. And went to bed with all of them. My only concession to promiscuity.

15. Bought once the humongous War and Peace and carried it around campus like a proper prick. Never got around to reading it though.

16. Lost it to a niece who filched it from me. Maybe she used it to intimidate her male admirers. Not sure.

17. But somebody in college read a whole collection of Graham Greene on my account. No, the ploy did not work.

18. I had other things in mind. Like being alone. And being in love with chocnuts, coffee, beer, and lately - blogging.

19. I find blogging less intimidating. Unlike writing, don't you think so, too?

20. I've been keeping alive the dream that I can write. Blogging does that to my head.

21. Maybe you will call that copping out if you're a purist. Maybe it is. It is a terrible thing to realize you're not equal to your dream after all.

22. But I don't let it bother me too much. The sooner I realize it the better. At least I'll know when it's come staring me in the face.

23. Hold it - here's a thought. May be this holds the clue why I'm so guarded about my age. I'm getting old and yet I have nothing to show for it. Whoa - terrible thought, that.

24. And here's another thing - I still smoke. It's not death wish. Gosh, I intend to write/blog as long as I can.

25. Because I consider this blog my surrogate child. And though this child can be such a pain in the ass sometimes, I can deal with it. I will stay the course. Meredith of Grey's Anatomy says it best: "That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."

That's all, folks. Unfortunately, I'm not passing this to anybody. Help yourself to it if you must.

Tags: tag, meme, writing, blogging

Finding the Right Balance Between Social Media and Productivity

The social media can spread the good news about you, bring you traffic to your blog and the brand you painstakingly cultivate. Alas, they can also make you less productive.

Atop my to-do list is to build a fair number of future posts for this blog. It's like saving for the rainy days when inspiration ebbs. Or when life wrests you away to deal with real life problems and other emergencies.

But of late, I find myself becoming sucked in a black hole called Twitter. My reasons for going there are unassailable:

1. I'm on a treasure hunt for valuable links I can take back to this blog - seedlings of future post ideas.

2. I'm networking - connecting with prospective readers and online friends.

3. I'm taking the pulse of what's out there - news, new trends, emerging technologies that might impact on my writing.

4. Of course, I'm also striking a pose and somewhat liking it.

Twittergrader after all gave me a report card of 95.5. Another Twitter application Twitterholic ranked me 65th among users in the Philippines.

Should I be happy? No. I'm practically scrambling to beat my posting deadline, a clear case of blogging hand-to-mouth. It's taking me a lot harder to get into my writing groove. My attention span is shot. I'm even beginning to think there is a sliver of truth to the notion that online interaction is rewiring how we think and make decisions.

Gosh, can it be this technology overload is turning my brain into a flat pancake? You know the symptoms. You pick up a reasonably good book to read, but you can't concentrate. You keep throwing anxious looks at your desktop or your blackberry. Can't keep pace with what the author's driving at. His multi-layered subtleties don't send delicious chills down your spine anymore. You're impatient - how you wish he'd get to the point and give you the lowdown, preferably in bullet points.

Facebook and other social bookmarking sites

I rarely check to see what's up with Facebook lately. I used to like it a lot because interaction in Facebook is a little laid back. You can almost describe it as pastoral. I can play games, check messages, approve the occasional friend request and move out. That's the lovely part. Then it happened. I got poked a lot. What's with these people? Send me a message instead. I hate to be prodded and poked like so much sidewalk merchandise. And I don't need to hunt for Easter eggs. That and getting friend recommendations of half-naked punks - what am I now a casting couch or something?

It's good that whenever I twit this gets published as well in Facebook. Whenever I hit the stumble button this gets shown in Friendfeed and Twitter as well. Good. Efficient use of technology and all that But it's weird - like I shouted something and this echoes and reechoes in the vast Grand Canyons of the internet.

For all its benefits the social media have the power to make your productivity toast. I find it gobbling up large chunks of time that would otherwise have been put to better use: like actually living. And writing.

Over to you now, friends. How do you deal with these online temptations? What system do you have in place that guarantees productivity and optimum social media presence?

I'm all ears for your suggestions. And of course you can join me in Twitter later. :) Let's spook some people there, okay?

Recommended Post: 50+ Writer Uses for Twitter
Related Post: My Twitter Friends Mosaic

Tags: Twitter, friendfeed, stumbleupon, facebook, productivity

Rescuing A Dream From The Garbage Bin

Back in college, we were asked to turn in an essay on what we dream of achieving. Because my pretension to becoming a writer then was already being severely limited by lack of focus and to a large extent by a paucity of ideas and creative inspiration, I settled for publishing. Ding. I proclaimed I'd be a big time publisher. A Filipino Charles Scribner in search of my own Ernest Hemingway incarnate.

My teacher gave me an A for that presumptuous essay.

God, however, gave me a D-. Of course, you know what usually happens to the best laid plans - God laughs at you and upends the drafting table. I know God might have finally approved of the plan, but my failure was largely because of my lack of focus and other failings. I had designed the blueprint myself. And so it had come to pass.

Instead of graduating from college, I applied for a job. I found one but I was underemployed as a quality inspector in a textile factory somewhere in Rizal. Of course, I went through pushing carts full of bobbins of yarns to spinners. I was fairly young, but it was backbreaking. An opening in the quality control staff later made my life easier. From peon I became a pencil pusher, consolidating inspection reports and doing other routine work you can do on auto-pilot. The greatest challenge to my creative aspirations was to cook up excuse letters for my co-workers who gallivanted from work. It's that and how to squeeze my minimum wage so after I fed myself I'd still have some money for books.

Cut to present time. I'm managing a small computer retail store. At night I have been blogging. That's publishing still, right? Well, what do you know. May be this is my second chance. With this publishing platform, I have the world for an audience. Of course, the audience is preoccupied elsewhere. Understandably so, I have not written anything for them to take notice.

It doesn't daunt me a bit. Why should I expect the world to pay heed? I did my inquiries and I found out my best friends had yet to check up on my blog. None among my family members had visited me, too. Boo-hoo.

Maybe that's for the best. That will give me enough elbow room on this blog. "Who do you think you are - mentioning in your blog your Ate R's to-die-for recipe for carbonara. You perhaps think that trumps my exotic frog recipes?" Or something of this sort.

Even the household puppy named Ditton - of askal lineage (local variety dog) - reserves barking and raising an awful racket every time I sit down to blog. It doesn't help that children carolers drive Ditton to a fit. If I skip blogging on some days, it can very well be because of him. Clearly, he's not a cute, dainty little thing that blogging big time eventually bought. But he's become a metaphor for everything that taunts me to quit. It's just a blog after all. An excuse that will soon become a full treatise why one stops pursuing a dream, if I don't pay attention to these things.

Nice thing though - it has been only 17 days of blogging. I should not let up and lose focus.

If only for the reason that this blog can keep me sane. That's a big thing for me. Honest writing can make a person fully conscious of life's journey, it's challenges and triumphs and even losses. That's a major help, whatever job one may have in this world.

At least I have here a tool to help me evolve as better person. By looking inward, by self-examination, and by seeing all this personal growth crystallized in writing. And if I am lucky through your companionship and conversations.

Your thoughts? Any dreams from earlier life you have rescued from the garbage bin? Are you working on it too?